Saturday, September 10, 2011

Status Shuffle (my fav's)

Is sitting here giggling like a loon trying to pick a funny status...I need a life....ENJOY!!

A woman is helping her husband set up his laptop. It asks 4 a password. He puts 'penis' the wife falls off her chair laughing when it says 'password too short'

How to show a woman you love them: kiss, hug, compliment, love, tease, protect, listen, support. How to show a man you care: Cook dinner NAKED!!!

Men aren't dogs. Dogs are sweet, loyal, and love you unconditionally. They're more like cats. Roam everywhere and only come home when they want something.

now knows why there is an opening in the front of men's underwear. It's so that oxygen can get to their brains.

Scientists have finally found out what's wrong with the male brain.. On the Left side there's nothing right.. And on the Right side there's nothing left.. ^^

What do you call a man who is good looking, sexy, faithful, funny, respectful and trustworthy?..  NONE EXISTENT :) xx

thinks most men are like public toilets.Their either Occupied, Dirty, Broken, Stinky, Falling down, being fixed, never stocked, busy, But, mostly full of shit..

If a guy really loves a girl, the one and only thing he would wanna change is her LAST name. <3

You know my name, not my story. You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through. So stop judging me, and take a look in the mirror for once.

Dreams are not easy to reach, you must work for it, struggle for it, and don't be afraid to get up when you fall.

Dear Karma, I'm sending you the addresses of some people I want you to punch in the face while I watch with buttered popcorn. Sincerely, Me.

Karma called, but don't worry, I told her where you are hiding. Now I'm just sitting back and waiting for the show to begin.

devoured a gaggle of biceps

I'm a little penis, short and thin. Here are my balls, here is my skin. When i get all stiffed up, hear me shout. SUCK ME BITCH OR I'LL SLAP YOU OUT!..*hahaha..fuck i tink i kjus died laughing~*

Time for a threesome! What?! My bed, my blankets, and me. Calm down! :p

I want a man who can slam me against the wall and kiss me silly, and do me until I scream, and treat me the way I want to be treated!!* not kidding on this one*

is told she has a very dirty mind:P;) but comes across extremely shy! she thinks its fuckin fabulous:P* perfectly discribes me*

if I'm smiling then I'm probably thinking of something dirty! with a special someone on my Facebook page :D*haha i ur smart ud noe its u*

Life is like a penis...there are lots of ups and downs, but when it gets hard FUCK IT

can be dangerous to your health. may cause excitability, shortness of breath, high blood pressure and elevated adrenalin levels. Consult your doctor first. lol

Wife says to her husband, "Your boss called today and said you were fired." Husband says, "FUCK HIM!" Wife says, "I already did. You go back to work on Monday."

says, "Sorry can't talk now. Busy licking the thick white stuff off the top of a long hard thing! WHAT?! You pervert!! I'm eating Vanilla ice cream off a cone!

Q: Why is a dick so stupid? 
A: head but no brain, eye but can't c, hangs around w/
two nuts, lives around the corner from a asshole, best friends a pussy

Some people say I'm crazy... Now only if they knew just how crazy I really am... They wouldn't say anything to me at all. :)

When I am quiet, it doesn't mean I'm shy. It means I'm examining my prey.

Rope: $2.50, duct tape: $1.15, vodka:$22.95, condoms: $4.50, look on the cashiers face when you go to pay: priceless

I may be quiet at times and I might act like a shy innocent little angel but I'm ready to strike and be the devil at any moment!!!

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